the darkest days

It didn’t occur to me that light deprivation might be the cause of the immense maelstrom of sadness that has left me sprawled across a couch poking at various old wounds for days on end until I overdid it on the kodujuust and noticed an immediate light and easy boost in the serotonin levels. The mechanics of light, Vitamin D, cottage cheese, dark chocolate, mandariinid, and the like, are still not clear to me, but I understand that these are cornerstones of warding away suicidal thoughts at this time of the year. It’s not just me. Most people who do not live in the north swear they would never survive without their Californian sunshine. “I could never do that.” And yet we sadists contend with submarine pressure. It’s sinister and dreamy all at once. Look up at those gray milk soup skies. They will turn your eyes blue, your skin white. Anyway, I am off to get some more kodujuust. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Iceland is the land of fire and ice. Eistland is the land of cottage cheese, dark chocolate, and mandariinid. And the sauna.

Ei saa me läbi ilma saunata.

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1 thought on “the darkest days”

  1. Oh, this latitude is brutal: Anchorage would be situated between Helsinki and Tallinn, I believe. It's not the rainy-sleety weather so much (though how much nicer it would be to have constantly slightly freezing weather and snow) but the lack of light. I have extra vitamins this time of the year from November to February – it seems to help. It's a manic-depressive year all right: compare 5pm in December to 5pm in in June, the energy filled early time of the day…

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